I tried killing her
I really did
I tried.
This woman.
Raquel
who pretends
to be me
to mock
to mock me.
she's not human.
I saw her.
I stabbed her.
She turned to smoke.
Smoke
She said I shouldn't do this.
She said that she was here to help me.
Guilt does not help!
It doesn't help.
I don't want it.
I want her to die.
I want to die.
Raquel Evergreen must die.
I'm a murderer.
I'm not ashamed
I'm not...
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Sunday, December 28, 2014
AN IDEA
She's here.
The Woman.
She's always here.
Says her name is Raquel Evergreen.
Says I'm guilty of murder.
It wasn't murder.
It was.
It was.
It was.
was.
wa.
w
...
It was, not.
Perhaps I need to.
Yes.
Perhaps the way
is to kill
her.
yeh
there’s an idea
kill her
yes
oh yes
then I
will finally
be free
of guilt.
free
finally
free!
The Woman.
She's always here.
Says her name is Raquel Evergreen.
Says I'm guilty of murder.
It wasn't murder.
It was.
It was.
It was.
was.
wa.
w
...
It was, not.
Perhaps I need to.
Yes.
Perhaps the way
is to kill
her.
yeh
there’s an idea
kill her
yes
oh yes
then I
will finally
be free
of guilt.
free
finally
free!
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
#
Everything feels weird right now, as if my body disconnected from my brain and what I'm left with is nothing but my thoughts. I know I'm typing but it.
Doesn't feel that way.
A police woman came to see me.
she asked me questions
about the old man.
my first instinct was to kill her.
she knows too much.
she needs
to
go
So that's exactly
what I did.
I stabbed her
kitchen knife this time.
she's on my floor.
I don't
know what to do.
I killed an officer.
I've never done that.
soon there
will
be more
I.
Don't
Know.
The Woman,
The Ivory Woman says she'll help me.
A deal?
A promise
A metamorphosis.
She's vague.
very vague.
Familiar.
No.
I don't need her.
I can handle it.
alone.
H E L P
Doesn't feel that way.
A police woman came to see me.
she asked me questions
about the old man.
my first instinct was to kill her.
she knows too much.
she needs
to
go
So that's exactly
what I did.
I stabbed her
kitchen knife this time.
she's on my floor.
I don't
know what to do.
I killed an officer.
I've never done that.
soon there
will
be more
I.
Don't
Know.
The Woman,
The Ivory Woman says she'll help me.
A deal?
A promise
A metamorphosis.
She's vague.
very vague.
Familiar.
No.
I don't need her.
I can handle it.
alone.
H E L P
Sunday, December 14, 2014
.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.I did nothing wrong.
The Woman keeps speaking to me about my life. She knows me well, she knows what I did. She knows who I'm dating. She knows everything about me.
She claims her name is Raquel Evergreen.
But that's my name!!
Wait.
No it's not.
Or is it?
What's my name?
I don't think it was Raquel Evergreen.
I...
Forgot.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.I did nothing wrong.
The Woman keeps speaking to me about my life. She knows me well, she knows what I did. She knows who I'm dating. She knows everything about me.
She claims her name is Raquel Evergreen.
But that's my name!!
Wait.
No it's not.
Or is it?
What's my name?
I don't think it was Raquel Evergreen.
I...
Forgot.
WHY?
One would think that,
Guilt would come and go
that it would leave
eventually.
It has to leave sometimes.
One can't just always
fixate on things.
a man died.
lots of men die.
people kill people
people kill people without
even realizing it.
Buying a cheap shirt means
small children work in
sweatshops.
why is this complex?
why is morality complex?
Why is it so?
The woman has begun to speak to me
about things that aren't related
to my guilt.
She talks about my mother.
How would she know?
How?
Why?
WHY?
Guilt would come and go
that it would leave
eventually.
It has to leave sometimes.
One can't just always
fixate on things.
a man died.
lots of men die.
people kill people
people kill people without
even realizing it.
Buying a cheap shirt means
small children work in
sweatshops.
why is this complex?
why is morality complex?
Why is it so?
The woman has begun to speak to me
about things that aren't related
to my guilt.
She talks about my mother.
How would she know?
How?
Why?
WHY?
???
This is killing me. Little by little I'm being chipped away at the very core of my life. This feeling, it's burning through my skin, giving me slow and painful demise. This is no way to live, no way to exist or be, yet I consciously put myself into a position where I have to face this feeling.
Why?
If I'd just ignore, then everything would be fine. Nothing would be about it, it would just be merriment and sprinkles.
Yet, there's something that draws me to it, the place of my karmic suicide. Do I regret stabbing that man?
Perhaps.
However only for selfish reasons as it's not remorse for my action, but rather my natural reaction to it.
the guilt.
As per usual I started my day off with a cup of coffee.
My spoon
swirling around as I read the newspaper.
There was an article about an old man getting stabbed.
He was a 73 year old man who was a successful heart surgeon back in the day. Fought in Vietnam
and was a father of three children.
His name was George Milton.
He had been on his way to see his granddaughter for her birthday
when he was held up by a woman who demanded money from him
who stabbed him when he refused.
That's the funny thing, when you read about it or think about it, it impacts you less than seeing it.
Your average Joe might feel something akin to empathy but, that only lasts a few seconds.
People are despicable creatures who
only care about people to seem like nice people
when honestly they couldn't care less.
yet
this feeling
has chosen to haunt, me?
this thing has interesting ways
of manifesting itself.
a woman
she is constantly in my house
reminding me
reminding me of what I did.
Who is she?
~Raquel Evergreen
Why?
If I'd just ignore, then everything would be fine. Nothing would be about it, it would just be merriment and sprinkles.
Yet, there's something that draws me to it, the place of my karmic suicide. Do I regret stabbing that man?
Perhaps.
However only for selfish reasons as it's not remorse for my action, but rather my natural reaction to it.
the guilt.
As per usual I started my day off with a cup of coffee.
My spoon
swirling around as I read the newspaper.
There was an article about an old man getting stabbed.
He was a 73 year old man who was a successful heart surgeon back in the day. Fought in Vietnam
and was a father of three children.
His name was George Milton.
He had been on his way to see his granddaughter for her birthday
when he was held up by a woman who demanded money from him
who stabbed him when he refused.
That's the funny thing, when you read about it or think about it, it impacts you less than seeing it.
Your average Joe might feel something akin to empathy but, that only lasts a few seconds.
People are despicable creatures who
only care about people to seem like nice people
when honestly they couldn't care less.
yet
this feeling
has chosen to haunt, me?
this thing has interesting ways
of manifesting itself.
a woman
she is constantly in my house
reminding me
reminding me of what I did.
Who is she?
~Raquel Evergreen
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