???

This is killing me. Little by little I'm being chipped away at the very core of my life. This feeling, it's burning through my skin, giving me slow and painful demise. This is no way to live, no way to exist or be, yet I consciously put myself into a position where I have to face this feeling.

Why?
If I'd just ignore, then everything would be fine. Nothing would be about it, it would just be merriment and sprinkles.

Yet, there's something that draws me to it, the place of my karmic suicide. Do I regret stabbing that man? 

Perhaps.
However only for selfish reasons as it's not remorse for my action, but rather my natural reaction to it.
the guilt.

As per usual I started my day off with a cup of coffee.
My spoon
swirling around as I read the newspaper. 

There was an article about an old man getting stabbed.
He was a 73 year old man who was a successful heart surgeon back in the day. Fought in Vietnam
and was a father of three children.
His name was George Milton. 
He had been on his way to see his granddaughter for her birthday
when he was held up by a woman who demanded money from him
who stabbed him when he refused.

That's the funny thing, when you read about it or think about it, it impacts you less than seeing it.
Your average Joe might feel something akin to empathy but, that only lasts a few seconds.

People are despicable creatures who 
only care about people to seem like nice people 
when honestly they couldn't care less.
yet
this feeling
has chosen to haunt, me?

this thing has interesting ways
of manifesting itself.
a woman
she is constantly in my house
reminding me
reminding me of what I did.

Who is she?

~Raquel Evergreen